Divorce and Remarriage

Photo from Unsplash
Divorce can be a painful, toilsome process to go through for anyone. It gets undoubtedly painful when children are involved. Not only does the couple have to sort through who is going to have what, but they must go through the unpleasant experience of finding out who gets full or partial custody of the children. Divorce is not an easy thing to decide or to do.

But often after a divorce, many get remarried. "An estimated 69 percent of women and 78 percent of men enter into another union" (Lauer & Lauer, 2011, page 335). These remarriages often occur about three and a half years following the divorce. But this means there are many different situations that someone who has been divorced can get into. There are five different situations in which remarriage happens: single, divorced or widowed with children, divorced or widowed with custody of children, divorced or widowed without custody of children, or divorced or widowed with custody of children, or divorced or widowed with custody of some children but not others. Each of these produce uniquely different outcomes.

One of the challenges that stepfamilies face is the large amounts of change that occur in each other’s lives. Often kids are still trying to adjust to someone they cared for deeply leaving and then soon after having to adjust to a newcomer. And often the new member of the family must deal with the challenge of trying to fit into a family that already has a shared past and systems that have already been made. Although there are many other challenges that come within a new family system, patience is often key to making it through the hard transition.

When an individual gets married or remarried to someone who has kids, the new stepparent must be cautious of jumping in and taking over the biological parent’s place. Children have a hard time transitioning to someone new, and when that new arrival comes in swinging and trying to discipline, children are far more likely to dislike the stepparent. They’ll often fight back. And when a stepparent comes in and contradicts the biological parent’s discipline, the children will often feel you’re undermining their parent. Even though that may not be what was originally intended.

Here are some good guidelines for stepparents:
  • Accept = 2+ years to create normalcy (the state of being usual, typical, or expected)
  • Biological Parent = ALL the heavy discipline
  • Stepparent is equal to fantastic aunt or uncle
    • Joyful
    • Great listener
    • Wise counsel
    • Accepting
    • Encouraging
    • Express love
  • Counsel Together more


Photo from Unsplash
Although it may be challenging to combine two different families together, it can be possible. It can also be a very loving, and extraordinary experience. There may be many stories that are told about the hardships of remarrying that seem disheartening. But when a couple works hard together to make things work out, it usually does. It will take hard work, and lots of communication and coming together. But it can be worth every effort put into it. So, don’t give up!

So, this is the last blog post that I will be doing pertaining to this class. Although it’s been quite the journey trying out the blogging world, it’s been quite enjoyable to put my thoughts down “on paper.” I just hope that the messages that I have been writing may be able to benefit you in some way. I also hope that these blogs may inspire you to put your own voice out there for people to hear. It’s quite the experience! Now head out there and make a difference yourself! Even if it only happens to effect one person, a difference is a difference!

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